Tag Archives: suicidal

Leave No Stone Unturned

Looking for constant reassurance has got to stop. For how long will she base her happiness on others? Why does anyone have to define what happiness is to her? Being perfect all the time has got to stop. She is what she is and she’s got to accept herself before someone else can. Procrastination has got to stop. Things don’t always go her way, so what? The tide’s turning. Latching on to other people has got to stop. She has lived enough to impress other people. Expression for impression was a way of life, No more.

Realization dawns upon her. She’s got to change for good. She’s got to live her life on her own terms. Seems easy, doesn’t it? So she thought. She’s got one life and only one moment in hand. She wants to do everything she can to make her life sugar, spice and nice. She’s made a little to do list. She says to herself, “Leave No Stone Unturned”.

Not give a fuck about other people. Check.

Eliminate negative people from your life. Check.

Block people who hurt you. Check.

Pull yourself out of bad relationships. Check.

Stop competing. Check.

Sleep longer. Check.

Decorate your room. Check.

Hit the gym. Check.

Make your dreams work for yourself. Check.

Talk to long last friends. Check.

Learn to play an instrument. Check.

Read and write. Check.

Go on a Solo Trip, Explore. Check.

Go Rafting. Then Bungee Jump. Check.

Climb a building. Look out towards the sky. Check.

Don’t Look Down. 

Don’t Jump, off. 

Learn how to fly. Check.

Crash. Check.

Now, it all fit. She left no Stone Unturned. 

 

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Someone Wake Me Up…

I have often told myself, ‘Don’t cry yourself to sleep’. But, no. No one is listening.

Here I am sharing this recurring dream I’ve had for like 4 years now.

Abandoned buildings or houses scare me to death. They remind me of isolation, desolation and Death. Death frightens me to levels I can’t even describe.

This dream of mine has been extremely disturbing because, I NEVER WANT TO DO IT.

It’s dark and I seem to walk towards daylight, like emerging out of a tunnel. I got my flip flops, jean shorts and a purple T-shirt on (Which is my favorite outfit, always). I don’t really see my face, but I am sure it’s me. It’s everything about that figure that reminds me of me. I am heading towards a deserted 4 storey building. It has been demolished, or burnt or ravaged… I am not quite sure. I make my way up the stairs; I swear I feel like I am reluctant to do so. I get up to the roof, and it is breezy, sheepishly windy. I make my way to the already tarnished ledge. I look down. It’s pretty much dark. I don’t know if I will ever touch the ground, dead or alive. But I am staring down, I see myself… Smile.

And, I am wide awake. I often jolt and sit up, its like I had to make a decision, and I just didn’t. I never jump off the ledge in the delusion (I hope I never do). It is almost surreal, I can feel myself losing my balance, tumbling into nothing. 

I believe my dream is symbolic. It stands for a choice. I often have this nightmare (if it is one), on nights that I am upset, sad or depressed. It says something to me, I still haven’t figured it out.

Next time I dream, Please, Someone wake me up…

urban_decay_photography_06

Freudian Flips 

Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful,
Nooses give,
Gases smell awful.
You might as well live.

Resume by Dorothy Parker. 

Perceptive, Interpretative in nature, these 26 words have moved my world. Is it all about giving up? 

There are times in life I fail to see the reason to live. Maybe you do too. What’s only worse than death is the fact that you stopped living. When my life seems lighter and my existence seems heavier is when death seems easier. When you die, its not only you. You take lives, so, aren’t you a murderer? 

I think about how will I die. How will I kill. That’s when Dorothy Parker speaks. I will let Resume speak to you too. 

Don’t give up. You matter. Your life matters to me. I care.

Please don’t die.