I am going through a really bad phase in life- boys, career, studies, future, blah, blah. It gets really messy if you ask me- Break ups and a broken heart. I’ve been losing too many people along the way and the world is such a sad place. So, I was sulking and suddenly, something hit me. Hit me like a truck.
WHY CAN’T LOSING WEIGHT BE AS EASY AS LOSING PEOPLE?
…People come and go. Winning people is so hard and losing them, so easy. Think about all the exes and ex-best friends. They aren’t around anymore, are they? But, I am still fat. Like, why god why. Why can’t I lose weight like ‘Love the way you lie’?!
So, if my Weight were a Person…
- He’d be my Boyfriend!
Duuuuh.. It would never leave me. He’s like Tyler Durden with Burgers. My weight, he keeps growing on me. Its romantic how we will never separate. Weight does two things every boyfriend must: Encourage Pizza and Discourage the Gym. But, he knows I’m unfaithful and it kills me inside…
- I could break it up with him.
I am sorry, fat. I can’t do this anymore. I will heavy all the time and I don’t fit into any of my sexy clothes or sexy friends. We have to end it here. It’s not you, it’s me. *loses 10 kilos INSTANTLY*
- He could cheat on me.
Okay, this is the only case cheating surpasses, CLEAR? So, like normal relationships, like most people do these days, you could cheat on weight. VOILA! Weight will leave and guess who has ABS, baibeeeeeh.
- Fall for someone else
This one’s my favorite. You could just tell weight, you like someone else. Like Size-zero, or um, Slim-fat or Diet-coke. Just be like, ‘Please forgive me. I’ve met someone else.’ *Just lost weight*
- Never reply to any of his texts.
I would stop replying to his texts, hoping that he leaves me, and maybe I could get into a god damn crop top. Thank you, last seen.
We could cuddle.
…That’d mean working out. Scratch that.
- Trust Issues!
It would be so hard trusting fruits, supplements, diets, work outs… Yes, I could lose my weight to trust issues!
…After a lot of thinking, I realize, maybe losing weight isn’t as easy. Weight is more faithful and loyal than most people are. It’s always been there for me, when people left. I love my weight. Love yours, too…
*HEY! Where’s my happy meal!*