Tag Archives: Heartbreak

Flowers live longer in a Graveyard

Sometimes, when you feel like you have found everything you realise it was, is and will never be anything. Some people make you feel as bright as thousands suns but, don’t you see that they also bring with them the potential of darkness that thousands suns couldn’t brighten. When you are with someone for so long, don’t you see that they become more fragile with each day? That so long can become no long and did you not see that? As it turns out, I stopped seeing after a while. I didn’t see it.

I have been wandering around aimlessly, looking for nothing in particular. Obviously, I was blind and I have been blind. One day I woke up and knew that I was blind and the knowledge ached my burning eyes. I now wanted to see something, anything. So I looked around. Frantically, desperately, endlessly. I saw nothing.

I was on a random bus which was headed somewhere I don’t know, I didn’t care. I was looking. And after a very long time, I saw something. Flowers, flowers in a cemetery. Have you seen this?

Flowers live longer in a graveyard.

I have bought flowers for someone, they die eventually. Someone has bought me flowers, I tried to render them but they die eventually. But, you place flowers by a grave and they live. They live longer.

Can death give someone life? Can death give someone hope? Or is it just death which lives longer? They come in all colours and you often wonder if someone places them here this morning. I got off the bus, I had to know.

I couldn’t touch them, of course I was terrified. But, I was happy. There were flowers around me. So, I wondered if someone placed them here this morning. But I looked around and flowers everywhere looked just as fresh and alive. Did someone place all these flowers today morning? That’s not possible is it? These flowers have been alive for all this time, I do not know how long.

Do these flowers live longer here than in my vase because someone tends to them? But who would look after flowers in a graveyard. Perhaps, it’s the hopes and dreams and love that they stand for. Can someone’s memory be enough to help you live longer… Can someone’s sacrifice make you stronger? Can someone’s absence make you grow fonder?

Perhaps it is in the state of mourning that one finds true solace in. When you love something, someone so much you often find them only when they are gone. And I would spend all my days in this state if it makes me feel the way it made me feel, in that cemetery. Do you think death could ever bring me happiness? I don’t mean death as in when someone does not live any longer. I mean death of dreams, and hopes, and relationships. Could the dead within make themselves live longer?

I wouldn’t know. I guess I am surprised that I hadn’t seen this before. But I knew in that moment, Flowers live longer in a graveyard.

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Was it easy?

There’s a lot of questions I could ask you to determine why all of this, all of us went downhill. Because we started off happy and it had the makings of Perfect and in my mind I was framing up the Happily-ever-after. You looked happy too, through it all but today, you are no more the person I can talk to like we used to. Forget the 3 am conversations; today, conversations in the broad daylight seem darker than ever. I just want to know if this downhill route is easy after all, was it easy?

Was it easy to stop constantly replying like you used to? Minute after minute, word by word. How we had to talk about everything, and an hour apart seemed like ages. How did that just stop?

Was it easy?

Was it easy to just stop acknowledging me when clearly I was around and you were around. You used to think about me all day, and now maybe you don’t. At least you pretend not to.

Was it easy?

Was it easy to stop talking about movies and shows and trolls and all those private jokes. Because they are clear as crystal in my head but approaching them is just hazy. Did that humor just die when we got here?

Was it easy?

Was it easy to just block me out and start hanging out with new people? Enter new friend circles and make new mistakes without me telling you to take care.

Was it easy?

Was it easy to fall for someone else? To tell me about it, to make sure that I knew I didn’t matter and that I wasn’t what I think I was all along.  To show people their place is an interesting thing to do.

Was it easy?

Was it easy to leave without a mutual understanding and concluding the whole debacle for once and all? Never rob someone of knowledge, they said. But that’s exactly where we are. We always said honesty was your specialty and that you were different from the rest. You broke your word.

Was it easy?

Was it easy to actually lose me than us doing something about it? Was it not worth it at all because you claimed it was important and that I was important? You said we would know each other forever. So maybe you should have done something about it. But, you didn’t.

Was it easy?

After all this time, I just want to know…

Was it easy.

Disclaimer: Resemblance to any person, living or dead is purely co-incidental. Most of the readers will connect to this literary piece. It is purely fictional and not targeted to any particular person or object. It has almost nothing to do with the writer’s personal life.

If my Weight were a Person

I am going through a really bad phase in life- boys, career, studies, future, blah, blah. It gets really messy if you ask me- Break ups and a broken heart. I’ve been losing too many people along the way and the world is such a sad place. So, I was sulking and suddenly, something hit me. Hit me like a truck.

WHY CAN’T LOSING WEIGHT BE AS EASY AS LOSING PEOPLE?

…People come and go. Winning people is so hard and losing them, so easy. Think about all the exes and ex-best friends. They aren’t around anymore, are they? But, I am still fat. Like, why god why. Why can’t I lose weight like ‘Love the way you lie’?!

So, if my Weight were a Person…

  • He’d be my Boyfriend!

Duuuuh.. It would never leave me. He’s like Tyler Durden with Burgers. My weight, he keeps growing on me. Its romantic how we will never separate. Weight does two things every boyfriend must: Encourage Pizza and Discourage the Gym. But, he knows I’m unfaithful and it kills me inside…

  • I could break it up with him.

I am sorry, fat. I can’t do this anymore. I will heavy all the time and I don’t fit into any of my sexy clothes or sexy friends. We have to end it here. It’s not you, it’s me. *loses 10 kilos INSTANTLY*

  •  He could cheat on me.

Okay, this is the only case cheating surpasses, CLEAR? So, like normal relationships, like most people do these days, you could cheat on weight. VOILA! Weight will leave and guess who has ABS, baibeeeeeh.

  • Fall for someone else

This one’s my favorite. You could just tell weight, you like someone else. Like Size-zero, or um, Slim-fat or Diet-coke. Just be like, ‘Please forgive me. I’ve met someone else.’ *Just lost weight*

  •  Never reply to any of his texts.

I would stop replying to his texts, hoping that he leaves me, and maybe I could get into a god damn crop top. Thank you, last seen.

  • We could cuddle.

…That’d mean working out. Scratch that.

  •  Trust Issues!

It would be so hard trusting fruits, supplements, diets, work outs… Yes, I could lose my weight to trust issues!

…After a lot of thinking, I realize, maybe losing weight isn’t as easy. Weight is more faithful and loyal than most people are. It’s always been there for me, when people left. I love my weight. Love yours, too…

*HEY! Where’s my happy meal!*

Fire on a Deadline

There was a boy and there was a girl. They were like fire on a deadline. They burnt with a bright flame, all at once. Then they gave out, with a flash. They started out as a little spark in the middle of the night. They spoke like it were a new language. They only got good at it. Unending conversations felt like fuel with limitless ignition. It went on. Their flames matched. They burnt with the same intensity, similar colors. They gave out a light, light you want to feel, live. You see, they were dim individually. But, together they were so bright, you had to squint. They were beautiful together. That’s the thing about fire; it’s beautiful until you get too close. And, they got close.

They knew they were in for a ride. Rides that only crash; but it was worth it all along. It was a gamble, fiery gamble. Playing with hearts, not games. Their affairs weren’t a fire anymore, it was Inferno. It’s when the damaging begun. You know, they were bright, as bright as the sun. But, every world, every universe can only have a sun. Now, you put them together and they were never meant to be. Two suns speak different lights. They couldn’t live apart but they couldn’t live together. They were volatile, they set their lives ablaze. Its heart wrecking when lights go out. Can you imagine what it would’ve been like when they gave out?

I don’t know if he said it or did she, but someone asked, ‘Are we a thing?’

The other one replied, ‘We are fire, silly. We’ll eventually give out.’

Their flames flickered. Maybe they did not want it to give out. Their flames wanted to merge, be one. He was the light she needed. She was the flames he was missing. They would make the fire we talk about, you know? The fire that never gave out.

But, like I told you. They were Fire on a deadline.

Feminism Low

I have been on a low tide of late.

Little heart break. Little depression. Little Guilt. Little regret.

I take pride in being Feminist.

But…

Of late, the feminist part of me doesn’t seem so bright.

The constant experience of being a girl in India could be a big reason. My poor choices could be another. The emerging rape culture is yet another. Being judged by other women makes me saddest (Read saddest). The downfall of modern feminism worries me. Our views have turned sexist in their undertones. But, I don’t know if that is the flaw in feminism at all. There’s so much anger, Indian Feminists tend to get sexist, also, why not? Do you see what’s happening out there? Not all men are rapists, sure. But, there is clearly an issue with some men.

I have begun to worry more and do very less. Today scares me. I am just low.

 

In all of this. I came across this video. It’s beautiful. Cannot thank them enough for making this, feels appropriate. No matter which country you are from, Watch this.

Indians, HERE.

Diary of The Unaccepting

‘Unaccepting’ is not a legit word, but it is the closest explanation of my existence as an entity.

Who is ‘The Unaccepting’?

Unaccepting is someone who sees what other people can’t. He looks beyond words, he belives the unbelievable, has endless faith on something that does not even exist. He fails to understand that nobility is rare, and truth rarer.

He is a criminal, hope is his crime.

Unaccepting is someone who is very low on Self-esteem. There are people out there who starve of faith and here he is overdosing on it. He believes everyone but him. He relies on everyone but him.

Unaccepting is someone who is Negligent. He neglects the fact that you don’t love him, anymore. He insists on seeing the good in you. He still wants it to work out.

Unaccepting is someone who is Damaged. He has been hurt over and over again. He still believes that there is some good left in this bad world. He still hopes that you will love him back. He hopes that he is ‘different’.

Unaccepting is someone who is Selfish. He fails to love someone who is immensely in love with him. He loves someone who shall never really be his. He loves challenge. He loves the wrong people, befriends the good.

Unaccepting is someone who is ‘Unaccepting’. He will just not accept that this is over. He will never stop believing in you, he shall still look for your silver lining. You tell him bluntly, rudely, hurtfully; but he will still not stop believing.

Unaccepting is someone. Unaccepting is me.


 

Dear Unaccepting,
Please accept it. Give up.
Yours reluctantly,                                                                          Future someone.