Tag Archives: Dreams

Flowers live longer in a Graveyard

Sometimes, when you feel like you have found everything you realise it was, is and will never be anything. Some people make you feel as bright as thousands suns but, don’t you see that they also bring with them the potential of darkness that thousands suns couldn’t brighten. When you are with someone for so long, don’t you see that they become more fragile with each day? That so long can become no long and did you not see that? As it turns out, I stopped seeing after a while. I didn’t see it.

I have been wandering around aimlessly, looking for nothing in particular. Obviously, I was blind and I have been blind. One day I woke up and knew that I was blind and the knowledge ached my burning eyes. I now wanted to see something, anything. So I looked around. Frantically, desperately, endlessly. I saw nothing.

I was on a random bus which was headed somewhere I don’t know, I didn’t care. I was looking. And after a very long time, I saw something. Flowers, flowers in a cemetery. Have you seen this?

Flowers live longer in a graveyard.

I have bought flowers for someone, they die eventually. Someone has bought me flowers, I tried to render them but they die eventually. But, you place flowers by a grave and they live. They live longer.

Can death give someone life? Can death give someone hope? Or is it just death which lives longer? They come in all colours and you often wonder if someone places them here this morning. I got off the bus, I had to know.

I couldn’t touch them, of course I was terrified. But, I was happy. There were flowers around me. So, I wondered if someone placed them here this morning. But I looked around and flowers everywhere looked just as fresh and alive. Did someone place all these flowers today morning? That’s not possible is it? These flowers have been alive for all this time, I do not know how long.

Do these flowers live longer here than in my vase because someone tends to them? But who would look after flowers in a graveyard. Perhaps, it’s the hopes and dreams and love that they stand for. Can someone’s memory be enough to help you live longer… Can someone’s sacrifice make you stronger? Can someone’s absence make you grow fonder?

Perhaps it is in the state of mourning that one finds true solace in. When you love something, someone so much you often find them only when they are gone. And I would spend all my days in this state if it makes me feel the way it made me feel, in that cemetery. Do you think death could ever bring me happiness? I don’t mean death as in when someone does not live any longer. I mean death of dreams, and hopes, and relationships. Could the dead within make themselves live longer?

I wouldn’t know. I guess I am surprised that I hadn’t seen this before. But I knew in that moment, Flowers live longer in a graveyard.

Inconsistency

Let’s celebrate the fact that my blog is now a year old. And I haven’t written since the last few days (okay, months.) I started this blog hoping I would create something vividly interesting, be someone’s reason to look forward to life, but alas, here I am, a giant writer’s block posting popular, deep and irrelevant poems just to keep the followers going.

The truth is that, I am Inconsistent. Inconsistent with reality, inconsistent with people, inconsistent with the pace of time; basically just lost. On some days, I am Julie Andrews from Sound of Music and then most days I am just Jack’s inflamed sense of rejection. It’s a feeling of impending doom that just won’t subside. You wake up every day hoping to achieve certain standards and then its 3 a.m. when you are blatantly staring at the wall. There’s this spirit in me that wants to do something but I lack the motivation to act on it. There’s this idea but I lack the resources to execute it. There’s this plan but I just don’t show up.

Inconsistency lies in the fact that I want to but I don’t. There’s no reason, there’s no trigger and there’s no way out. And it absolutely bums me out to have this sense of delusion with no rationale. I cannot call it depression or boredom or unhappiness or misery or dejection. But I feel depressed, bored, unhappy, miserable and dejected. Adjectives but no nouns. What is more inconsistent than the fact that I cannot explain it? I am caught in this circle of life where all I can do is wait. My life is supposed to change drastically but there no reaction-time. For good or for worse my life is supposed to change. Either way, the valence is all negative. And I stand to lose in every situation. Every time I play it in my head, it is inconsistent.

And if it sounds like my life is a mess, it isn’t. My life is practically perfect at the given moment. This makes it worse, because I am inconsistent with its perfection. What do I do if I stand to lose no matter what I do? Am I a bad person if I choose to escape? I am all over the place, confusing you like this. But you will understand me if you know what it feels like not to be good enough, to die ordinary, to be afraid of the unknown, to run out of patience, to wait for something you desperately want.

That echoed. Either you are inconsistent with my writing or you are inconsistent like me. And I hope it is the former.

Bedtime Stories

Before you start reading, this one is going to be better than Adam Sandler, Trust me.

Gone are the days when my mother read me a story and it always ended well. They lived happily ever after and I slept happily ever since.

Bedtime Stories have changed from fables to rants, from fantasy to veracity. Sleep Procrastination is the technical term and it is addictive. People who are ‘Bedtime Procrastinators’ make huge unrealistic plans and on the contrary do very little to actually make them happen; in the night, wide awake, on their beds while the world sleeps because they ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING! Now hold it, I can make these conjecture because I indeed am one. *smirk*

It is at 2 a.m. when I suddenly feel determined to change my life, read more, make more friends, make amends and be a better person. I often run scenes in my head about conversations which could have been better. *Damn. I should’ve said this.* I make up scenarios which can never possibly even happen.

  • Andrew Garfield staring at me while I work in my lab coat. (Ain’t no one got time for that.)
  • Running around in my Jimmy Choo shoes.
  • Being on Dr. House’s team.
  • Actually speaking better than Oprah Winfrey.
  • Being the Honorable guest at Obama’s Birthday party. (Like, I am stoned.)

Jokes apart, I actually do quite a lot of thinking. Serious emotional drama in those moments of weakness. Assumptions can actually make life simpler (or harder). Procrastination makes life seem a cake walk, because I have contemplated a situation from EVERY possible angle while I couldn’t sleep. Its like preparing yourself for the day that awaits you. I am complete in this moment, I am satisfied for while procrastinating, I live life on my terms.

Sleep Procrastination has now become a drug. Not one day goes by that I do not make up a lullaby.

Guess What.

It’s Working.

Bedtime Stories

Postaday Daily Prompts 

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Someone Wake Me Up…

I have often told myself, ‘Don’t cry yourself to sleep’. But, no. No one is listening.

Here I am sharing this recurring dream I’ve had for like 4 years now.

Abandoned buildings or houses scare me to death. They remind me of isolation, desolation and Death. Death frightens me to levels I can’t even describe.

This dream of mine has been extremely disturbing because, I NEVER WANT TO DO IT.

It’s dark and I seem to walk towards daylight, like emerging out of a tunnel. I got my flip flops, jean shorts and a purple T-shirt on (Which is my favorite outfit, always). I don’t really see my face, but I am sure it’s me. It’s everything about that figure that reminds me of me. I am heading towards a deserted 4 storey building. It has been demolished, or burnt or ravaged… I am not quite sure. I make my way up the stairs; I swear I feel like I am reluctant to do so. I get up to the roof, and it is breezy, sheepishly windy. I make my way to the already tarnished ledge. I look down. It’s pretty much dark. I don’t know if I will ever touch the ground, dead or alive. But I am staring down, I see myself… Smile.

And, I am wide awake. I often jolt and sit up, its like I had to make a decision, and I just didn’t. I never jump off the ledge in the delusion (I hope I never do). It is almost surreal, I can feel myself losing my balance, tumbling into nothing. 

I believe my dream is symbolic. It stands for a choice. I often have this nightmare (if it is one), on nights that I am upset, sad or depressed. It says something to me, I still haven’t figured it out.

Next time I dream, Please, Someone wake me up…

urban_decay_photography_06

Freudian Flips 

Famous Is My Middlename

Here I am, with Famous in my name and ambition in my mane. Like Hello? Obvioulsy I want to be celebrity. Thank You Daily Prompts, I am going to be a celebrity for 350 words.

If I could be a Celebrity for a day I would be:

Morgan Freeman: because after all, who doesn’t want a voice that could shake your ground and could compel you to believe in almost anything, noble. He has the power to avert anything and everything, he is Lord Almighty. Imagine having a voice that could unite Humankind. (Honestly, I will just sit and say ‘Eeesy Peesy lemon squeezy’ in his voice and laugh at myself).

Jennifer Lawrence: JLaw because I want to have the courage to trip over my silly gown on the ‘Oscar’ Stage at the greatest moment of my life and joke about it. I would want to be a Fat successful lady.

Hillary Clinton: because Come On, I am secretary of the State. *smirk* I kicked Infidelity’s arse.

Meryl Streep: Iron lady on and off screen, I would promote Feminism day long and make it like the international agenda of every organisation that exists.

Narendra Modi: I would just fulfill my promises I made to the people of India. (Remind me to change my slogan for the next elections).

J.K Rowling: I would just write another Harry Potter Novel. (Okay. I am going to accept it, this is a selfish one here).

Robert Downey Jr: Because I am a ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.’ (Did I mention I am Sherlock, too?)

Ban Ki-Moon: I would get the UN to function PROPERLY. (Get rid of that Veto, Psst.)

Most of all, if I were a celebrity I would be a good one. No scandals, affairs, fraud, addict, controversy, fake jobs or excessive riches.  I would use my resources to do good; To inspire people to do better. I would make the world a better place.

Guess what? I still can, even if I am not a celebrity.

Just the plain old me, with the plain old you. Common girl on a mission. 🙂

Instant Celebrity